Have you ever wondered if anyone really cares about your journey to gain better health and lose weight? I have been wondering about that a lot lately. Since March of this year, I haven’t been doing the greatest when it comes to eating right. I have kept up my workouts and I am staying active almost daily. Lately it seems like I can find any excuse to eat the wrong thing, and then my calorie goals go down the drain.
I can offer up every excuse you can imagine, and some would be totally legit. I’m trying so hard to get back into control. Some days I win, and some days I lose.
EXCUSE #1:I know that my downward spiral began when I got the news that my step-brother committed suicide. Suicide is something that I just don’t understand, nor will I ever. I have so many questions, but I don’t expect them to be answered.
EXCUSE #2: My co-workers threw me a wonderful birthday party at work. I once had mentioned how I wanted to try a dessert called Chocolate Hurricane from Margaritaville and guess what was recreated for me at work? Yep. Nothing but sin on a plate! I swear I didn’t eat it all, but I did eat quite a bit. I wasn’t used to eating much sweets at this point. I would only allow myself an occassional treat. I had planned on eating sweets for my birthday, but my stomach wasn’t ready for it. This dessert truly lived up to its name once it hit my stomach! Whew! No regrets though. Birthdays are days to be celebrated and I have said “no” to cake on my birthday many times and I know that it only leads to regret. To be honest, several cakes were brought for me, but I gave most of it away and only took a couple of pieces home for me and my husband to share.
After my birthday, I decided to do another round of Whole 30 to clean out my body and detox. God knows I needed it after the month I was having! I love most things about Whole 30. The only problem I began having this time was I was working out with a personal trainer and I would have no energy at all for weight lifting. I had no clue how much energy our bodies need from carbs when it comes to not only cardio, but also lifting weights. I finally decided to call it quits after 2 weeks on this round because I didn’t want to be wasting the money I had invested on a trainer by wimping out and not giving it my all. I will definitely do another round one day. 🙂
Excuse #3: A lot started happening at work because I accepted another job position and would be leaving. Imagine a workplace with drama (which is why I wanted to leave) and multiply that by 100. Well, as you can imagine, tongues wagged about why I was leaving. Some people just love to make up lies. Sigh.
All of this was so depressing. Heck, I didn’t want to leave my comfort zone, but the job I took was only 10 minutes from home and I had been driving an hour to work every day for over 3 years, and an hour back. Now I have gained over two hours back in my day, so it was a good choice for me. I can even sleep in longer!
Excuse #4: I’m still battling things in my body regarding the “H” word….HORMONES. Taking progesterone for the first 10 days of every month is not my idea of fun. I find myself always hungry and loosing control of my eating. It’s like I throw caution to the wind and say “screw this” and eat everything. After all, I tell myself, “I’m not loosing weight anymore. What does any of this matter?” It’s true though. My weight-loss has slowed down to nothing almost, and no…I’m not at my goal weight. I still have at least 40 lbs to go at least. I really need to figure out this hormone thing and see how I can counteract it, if there is such a thing.
Excuse #5: I’m still recovering from the suicide of my step-brother and get a call a few weeks ago that a long time friend of mine committed suicide also. My heart is so heavy. I hadn’t seen him in such a long time, and he was so young. It’s like every where I turn around lately, I see him…only it’s not him. He suffered from so much depression because of being rejected by his mom because of his lifestyle choice. It’s so sad and tragic.
So, as you can imagine, the past few months I have been battling eating through my emotions.
I am trying so hard not to do this. I recognize what I’m doing sometimes and yet I don’t stop. It’s like part of me don’t care. I keep wondering if anyone else has seen a change in me. After all, I’m the one who has always been so careful in what I eat, yet now I eat anything and everything. I need to get ahold of myself and shake myself out of this stupor! I keep thinking my husband is going to ask me why I’m eating differently, but he hasn’t said anything. Yes, like I said, I’m still active…but trust me, just like the saying goes, “You can’t out train a bad diet.”
I have offered up 5 excuses of why I am out of control lately, and guess what? I need to stop excusing myself from eating wrong. Eating will not bring back those I love, nor will it fix my problems at work. Eating has been a coping mechanism that I’ve used for years and this is the one thing I need to stop doing. I need to figure this out. I’m tired of the hamster wheel spinning. It’s time to get off.
Does anyone notice my changes? Maybe not, but I do. I know me better than anyone else will ever know me. No matter if I have the support of those around me or not, I am responsible for my own actions. I need to stop making excuses and just do it!
Sorry for this long post. I just needed to get this out of me.
Dana's Journey 
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