This morning in my devotions and prayer, something came out of my mouth that stunned me and actually kind of made me a little afraid. Yet, I repeated it again. I told God that I would like to wrestle him like Jacob did. I have been so frustrated lately in my walk with God because of feeling as though He is silent to me. His presence has been almost obsolete except for a few times during worship, and I treasure those times. The only way I can explain the feeling that I have, is that if I was wrestling with God, at least I would know that we were in close contact with each other. I would try to make Him talk to me. I would try to have Him give me the directions that I am needing in life and to ease the torture in my heart. Sometimes I find myself wishing that I did not know the voice of God. If I had never experienced it, I would not be so frustrated right now. I’m not saying He came down from Heaven and sat down next to me and had a conversation, but He has spoken to me in so many ways in the past. I wish He would come down and sit next to me and talk! Wow! Would that not be AMAZING??!! Sigh. I don’t want to live off of yesterday’s manna. I need a fresh word from God.
I miss the presence of God and will forever keep longing for Him.