This morning as I lay in bed trying so hard to go back to sleep, (because I know I need it) all I could feel was the pain in my stomach. All I could see in my mind was a big ball of yarn in multiple colors that was knotted together with no end, and no beginning. These knots represent so many questions that are going through my mind right now.
What is holding my granny here on earth? She has been given “less then 24 hours to live,” for over a week. The family has been told to come say their goodbyes multiple times, yet here she lays next to me in a deep sleep. At times she has woke up in a tremendous amount of pain and it is unbearable to watch. A Hospice doctor said that everyone lingers for different reasons, yet they are baffled that she is still alive because of her situation. I have always known that I come from a strong line of women, but seeing my granny fight for her life has definitely made it more real to me then ever. I don’t understand why she keeps hanging on. Nothing on this earth can compare to the glory that awaits her in heaven. How does one even fight to stay alive? It’s hard to have so many unanswered questions in my mind.
I have read scriptures to her, sang to her, prayed with her, and cried out for mercy on her behalf. There are things that I know I will never understand, and this is one of them.