Waiting Feels So Wrong

I often do not know how to start out any post I write, and this one is no different. Well, actually, it is different. It is different because it is about my granny. My grandmother, or "granny," as we call her, has been given days to live and I am sitting here in the room with her, listening to her breathing and holding my breath each time it stops. I always let out a sigh of relief each time she catches her breath, like it is I, who could not breathe. It feels so wrong to be waiting on her to pass from this earth, on to heaven. Should I be praying harder? Should I offer her up to God? The questions never stop in my mind. I don't want her to go, yet I don't want her to suffer. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus could heal her if He wanted to. My prayer has been this in a nutshell, "God I know you are Jehovah Rapha, our healer, and I know You can heal my granny if You want to, and I pray that should You heal her, heal her all the way. Let her raise up off this bed and walk right out of this nursing home and into her own home. Let her not suffer, Father. I know that we all have an appointed time to live, and You alone know the days. I don't care what the doctor says, I only care what You are saying. Father, I also know that sometimes one of Your ways of healing could be bringing her back to her heavenly home. I know granny misses papa, and wants to be there in heaven with him. This is something that she has battled with daily. I don't want her to go. I will miss her so much. Nevertheless God, not my will, but thine be done. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen."

“The LORD will protect him and keep him alive, And he shall be called blessed upon the earth; And do not give him over to the desire of his enemies. The LORD will sustain him upon his sickbed; In his illness, You restore him to health.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭41:2-3‬ ‭