The past five weeks I have been attending a church that I have been wanting to visit for quite sometime, but I never got up the nerve to go until now. I was always drawn to the name of the church because the word “grace” was part of the name. If anyone has received grace in their life, it would be me.
Another reason that I was drawn to the church is because it is a mainstream denominational church. I have been wanting to go somewhere that was different than what I come out of, a church where I was part of and where I was hurt deeply. I have been trying out different churches for the past few years and have never found one that I have felt connected to. From the moment I walked up the steps to go inside this church for the first time, and all the way to my seat, I was greeted by so many people. I know that many churches have door greeters and some even have a few people assigned to greet people as they come into the sanctuary, but it is rare to find a church where it feels as everyone comes by just to say hello. To say that I felt welcome that day would be an understatement. It’s been five weeks now, and it is still the same, everyone goes out of their way to make you feel a part of something so much bigger than them…bigger than myself. This is not a tiny church, nor is it a huge church. I am like Goldilocks right now…it’s just the right size for me.
Today I attended the third week of the Next Steps class because for the first time in a long time, I am interested in being part of a church again. The agenda today was finding out about where you are gifted and what your strengths are, so that you can be connected in the area that you are comfortable in. I sat there looking at my results and inside was thinking, “Yes, that’s me. Those are my gifts and my strengths, but I don’t know if I want them to know that part of me yet.” I generally do not tell people that at one time I spoke in churches and that I was a leader in church at one point in my life. Why? Because I’m scared. I’m scared of the possibilities of ever being involved in church again to the point of leadership, or to be used for my giftings…and that I will ultimately end up getting hurt again. I started praying inside and asking God about how much I should share because although I didn’t want them to know everything about me, I felt they needed to know certain aspects about me. At one point I was asked if I had any questions. I started to ask about one of the church beliefs and before I knew it, I broke down crying and told a little about myself and some of the hurt that happened. I also told about my fall from grace. I have a post about my restoration, so I will not write about it all again, but here is the link to the post if you are interested. Forgiven
Long story short, as I sat there crying, I saw eyes of understanding and love staring back at me. I don’t know these people very well, but I think I want to know them better. I don’t know if I will join this church, but part of me wants to. So far, I feel this is the direction God is leading me, but I will wait until I’m really sure. It may take a day or it may take a year, but if it’s God, I’m all in! I’m scared, but excited. I am hesitant, yet I want to run to the church.
God is a God of restoration and He is healing all of my wounds!
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