Lately, I have been thinking about a time when I saw this flower that had been uprooted out of the ground, but yet it was still blooming. As I looked at the flower, I began wondering how it still looked alive, but yet had no way to grow and continue in life. I remember that I asked a friend in church what it could possibly mean if we looked at it in a spiritual way. I will never forget what she told me. She said, “Not everything has to have a spiritual meaning. It’s just a flower.” To be honest, that crushed me inside. I was not a new believer, but I was new to the ways of looking at things spiritually. I realize that not everything in life has to be spiritual, and I by no means, float around a room seeing angels and hear God speak to me 24 /7. Oh, but I wish He did though!!!
Regardless of what I was told, I can’t help to look at things from a spiritual standpoint. For a long time, I tried to lock that part of me away. I tried to push down one of the very ways that God communicates with me. You see, God does talk to us, but we have to listen. We have to position ourselves in a way to be able to hear what He is saying. There is a saying, “There is always a lesson to be learned,” and I believe that to be true. If you really want God to help guide you in life, pay attention to your surroundings. Ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you throughout the day. (John 16:13)
This past weekend I went mountain biking with my husband and I did something I thought I couldn’t do, I rode his single speed bike around the trail. My bike is a geared bike and it makes it a lot easier going around the trail, especially when climbing hills! I was so intimidated about riding the SS, but because he had been talking about it so much lately, I just had to try it out. Well, to my surprise, I loved it! Yes, it was harder in some ways then my geared bike, but in many ways it was easier.
A couple of times I had to stop and recover from climbing a hill, and one time I had to actually get off the bike and push it around a curve, which actually was a very steep uphill switchback. My husband had already warned me to be ready to jump off because it is very difficult to climb because it came right after another hill that you are still physically recovering from. After I pushed it around the switchback, I hopped on and took off again. I ended up finishing the trail in record time, and it was an awesome feeling!!
You may wonder where this lesson fits in to all this, and here goes: The other morning, as I was praying, the Holy Spirit reminded me of when I first began mountain biking two summers ago, and how I actually learned to ride on the SS bike that I was so intimidated by! WHAT???!!!! I knew that I had ridden the bike before, and remembered that it was hard, but I had forgotten that it was actually all I rode for a while. Once I got a full suspension geared bike, I never rode the single speed again. I am so happy I finally gave it another try. I am happy because I achieved that which I thought impossible in my mind. I am happy because God taught me a lesson regarding the steep switchback that I had to push the bike up and around. You see, in my own strength I could not do it so I had to get off the bike and push. Once I made it over the roots and the gravels in the curve, I was able to hop back on my bike and take off. In life, sometimes we can be going along and feel like we can’t make it anymore. That’s when we need to stop what we are trying to do in our own strength, get out of the driver’s seat and let God push it for you. I love the Message Bible translation of John 6:63,“The Spirit can make life. Sheer muscle and willpower don’t make anything happen. Every word I’ve spoken to you is a Spirit-word, and so it is life-making.”
When I started going to church regularly again, I felt intimidated and scared inside. No one did anything to make me feel that way, it was thoughts that I was battling in my own mind. I felt intimidated because there was such strength in the giftings of the men and women of God around me who were speaking and prophesying in a way that I used to do, before all hell broke loose around me. I felt scared because I didn’t know if I would ever be used that way again, and at the same time scared that I WOULD be used that way again. Selah. I know that it don’t make sense to you, so imagine how I am feeling. LOL
When God began stirring things in my heart again, I truly wanted to run. I didn’t want to hold a mic again…I didn’t want to stand in front of people and have all eyes on me. If you want to know the truth, I still don’t. The thing is though, it’s not about what I want, it’s about what He wants. No, God does not ever force anyone to do anything, He gives us free will to choose what we want. Even as I write this, I kinda giggle inside because I can hear, “And, how did that turn out for you Dana”? You see, my heart is to do the will of the Father and even though my flesh doesn’t alway want to do it, my spirit desires nothing else.
Do you remember the time you first got on a bicycle and how you were so excited, but also scared that you would wreck? Well, that very same feeling came over me when I first took the mic again at church. As I was walking up front, I thought I was going to throw up or pass out. LOL I laugh now, but I assure you, I didn’t think it was funny then. This is what I was telling God on my way up front:
In other words, not my will Lord, but yours be done. In John 5:30 it says this, “By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me.”
I didn’t “wreck” that day I took the mic in church to deliver God’s word. I got out of the seat and let Him speak. Truthfully, it don’t matter how many times I have ever spoken in church, I have always been somewhat afraid. I always want my heart to be pure before God and never want to get up before people just to be seen. I never want to preach, teach, or prophesy just to hear my own voice. Part of the reason we have so much crap in the church today is because everyone wants a pulpit and everyone wants to be seen. They will spew anything out of their mouth just to get some attention and hear themselves talk. And yes, I said crap, and yes there is a whole lot of it in churches everywhere. If you are offended, as some people say:
Back to the lesson. God essentially showed it to me this way. Just like I felt intimidated to get back on the single speed bike and ride it again because I was afraid it would be hard, is the same way I feel intimidated by ministry. Even though I was scared, I actually rode the bike better than I did in the beginning when I was learning how to mountain bike. I let my mind get the best of me. It is the same in ministry. In so many ways, I am stronger than when I first began, and yet I am still learning. I just have to trust that He is there with me, and let Him do all the pushing.
Dana's Journey 
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