Right about now I am wondering when it is that I am going to truly get my crap together when it comes to making right choices? I am so tired of going down the same beaten path I’ve been down so many times before. I will be doing so good, and then for whatever reason, I start messing up. It’s a pattern and I see it, yet I don’t know how to stop it and I don’t know why I do it. I have heard of self- sabotaging and sometimes I wonder if this is what I am doing? I briefly mentioned this to my husband and he didn’t really understand where I was coming from, and how can I explain it to him when I don’t even know? I work out hard, and I eat right most of the time. I say “most” because, for the most part I do. Then I have nights like tonight. I made cookies for my husband to take to work for a dinner tomorrow night, and guess who had about six of them with ice cream? Me. I knew I shouldn’t, but I did anyway. Having one would have been fine, but I didn’t stop with one. Heck, I bought ice cream at the store, which is something I usually don’t do. I bought it because deep down I was premeditating to eat it. I knew it was something I was going to do, and part of me wanted to do it. It’s like I had this thought to myself, “Dana, you have been working out so hard and counting calories, yet your weight remains the same and has remained the same for almost six months, so why worry about it anymore?” Of course I gave myself a little bit of comfort by buying the mini container of ice cream so I would have some sort of bumper guard for my mouth.
So, here I am depressed because of my poor decision-making tonight. I wish I had more self-control when it comes to saying no to desserts.